It took me five years to figure out I have two kids 5 years of age and younger…

I am a highly educated individual, I have a Masters in Education for goodness sakes…but what in the literal f*@?!k is going on here?!

I thought I had it figured out, raising my kids with some dirt and free rangin'...

I love them to the moon, yet I cannot think straight when they are around...

🧠 Real Research on the Mental Load of Parenting Young Kids

1. Holding ~4 jobs at once

A 2019 survey by Welch’s (with 2,000 moms) found that being a parent of young children is equivalent to working a 98-hour workweek — basically 2.5 full-time jobs.Many psychologists say the mental part actually pushes this closer to the load of 3–4 jobs depending on the age of the kids.

👉 A toddler + a 5-year-old (or any combo under 5) puts you in the highest-load category, according to clinical psychologists who study cognitive switching and emotional labor.

2. Mental load = 20–25 hours/week of “invisible work”

A 2021 Ohio State University study found parents perform an extra 20–25 hours of mental and emotional labor a week — things no one sees: planning, remembering, anticipating, managing emotions, keeping the household functioning.

👉 That’s half a workweek right there — just in your brain.

3. Cognitive switching = running a marathon daily

Neuroscience research (particularly from Stanford and University of Michigan) shows that constant task-switching dramatically increases:

• cortisol

• mental fatigue

• decision exhaustion

• emotional dysregulation

• perceived time pressure

  
  

Parents of young kids switch tasks every 3–8 minutes on average.This is physiologically similar to being in a low-grade emergency response state for hours.

👉 It’s the same cognitive strain measured in air traffic controllers and ER personnel — except they get breaks (or at least get to go home at some point).

4. Emotional labor = a 24-hour on-call job

A 2016 study in Sex Roles found that mothers (especially default parents) carry the bulk of:

• emotional monitoring

• mood regulation

• planning

• anticipating needs

• being “the predictable, stable adult”

  
  

That’s the “mental load” part — and researchers describe it as being “continuously on-call” with zero off-shift.

👉 Even when you’re “resting,” your brain is running crisis prevention.

5. Toddlers = the peak load years

Child development research (Ages 1–5) shows:

• peak accidents

• peak meltdowns

• peak emotional dysregulation

• peak need for supervision

• lowest self-sufficiency

• highest unpredictability

  
  

This is why developmental psychologists say the mental load of ages 1–5 is the highest of the entire parenting journey.

After age 6, it actually starts to go down in terms of constant vigilance.

6. Parents of young kids sleep like medical residents

A 2019 sleep study in the UK found that parents of kids under 5 lose the equivalent of one full night of sleep per week.

Cognitive performance after chronic sleep fragmentation is equivalent to:

• being legally intoxicated

• pulling an all-nighter

• long-term shift work

  
  

👉 Combine that with a 98-hour workweek? No wonder you feel fried.

The Basics...

1. It’s Like Running Air Traffic Control (i'd take a shutdown right about now!)… but with Yogurt Tubes

The difference? Those people get breaks, regulations, and federal labor protections.

Moms? We get someone screaming because their cracker broke wrong.

2. Emotional Labor = A 24/7 On-Call Job

A study in Sex Roles found that moms handle the majority of emotional regulation, mood management, and social coordination.

Translation:You’re not just wiping butts. You’re wiping TEARS. And you’re absorbing every feeling in a 10-foot radius like a walking emotional Roomba!

3. Toddlers Are the Boss Level

Developmental psychologists agree that ages 1–5 are the peak mental load years:

• peak accidents

• peak meltdowns

• peak unpredictability

• peak “Don’t eat that!”

• peak “WHY??”

• minimal self-sufficiency

• maximal chaos

  
  

If you have a toddler and a five-year-old or younger (or more!!) Congratulations — you are living on expert mode.

4. Oh, and You’re Sleep-Deprived

Your cognitive functioning? Somewhere between “medical resident on a 36-hour shift” and “someone who accidentally drank a margarita before work.”

🤯 So What Does the Mental Load LOOK Like?

It’s:

• planning meals they might not eat

• remembering school snack day

• packing extra clothes

• anticipating meltdowns before they detonate

• being the family emotional thermostat

• knowing who needs a nap and who needs to touch grass (literally!)

• monitoring safety every second

• coordinating school, doctor visits, and schedules

• packing snacks they won’t eat but will later scream about

• noticing someone is sticky

• figuring out why someone is sticky…

• preventing tiny humans from launching themselves into danger

• running errands with two ticking time bombs

• making 4,000 micro-decisions before breakfast

  
  

Most of this happens invisibly. Most of it happens mentally. ALL of it adds up.

And yet — when moms sit on the couch for two minutes, someone always thinks we’re “resting.”

No, sir.

We are recalibrating our nervous systems after 26 hours of emotional hostage negotiation.

Ohhhh wait….this is for you farm mama:

The Mental Load of the Kids… AND Animals

Most moms keep toddlers alive.

Farm moms keep:

• toddlers alive

• livestock alive

• the business alive

• the marriage alive

• the brand alive

• the bank account alive

And some days you’re not sure which one is the most feral!

💥 So the Next Time Someone Asks What You Do All Day?

Tell them this:

“I work the equivalent of 3–4 full-time jobs, with no breaks, while chronically sleep-deprived, managing the emotions, safety, schedules, and well-being of two small humans who still can’t pour cereal without causing a national disaster.”

And then maybe throw in:

“Honestly, it’s basically like being an air traffic controller… but the planes are sticky and crying and one of them peed on me.”

Because if we don’t laugh, we will cry.

And we don’t have time for that either ;)